All I wanted was to be loved..

All I wanted was to be loved.

You gave me something close to that, to take it away from me. 

It wasn't love, but still even for a second I felt like you wanted to be with me. 

You made me feel special after a long while. 

I am so used to being used, being hurt, being heart broken, but still I told you. 

"It's easy for me to catch feelings, as I no longer know what's genuine and what's not. Please don't hurt me."

And yet you did and yet you blamed it on me. 

I might let people get to me easily, but I don't stop fighting for what I believe is right. Because I know I was in right, I wasn't going to apologise for something I didn't do. 

I find out, you talked to a girl in similar mannerism as me. I find out she confessed same night as I did that she likes you too. I find out, you flirted back with her, while flirting with me. If that isn't called stringing along, please get me a dictionary. 

If that isn't called two timing, please correct my English, after all I'm a girl from 'some' Island. 

I am always genuine. I always feel genuine. I always talk genuinely. I never had any cunning thoughts or any toxicity in my mind. However jealousy  is something I can't control.

Every person I dated, had a romantic experience with either used me or cheated on me with their 'it's just a friend' or 'she's my best friend'. 

You can't expect me, to not be jealous. To not be doubtful. 

I genuinely liked you. I genuinely wanted to help you with your life. I wanted to heal you. 

I stood up for what was right. I stood up for both of us, to lose my chance to be your friend. To lose my chance to be there for you.

Not only did you give me hope, you gave her hope. It wasn't about not being ready, it was about giving us both hope at the same time. And you used my words against me. 

I put things aside, I wanted to try to be your friend. But you pushed me away for what?

I friend people, genuinely because I wanted to be their friend. I always put my friends above me. I'd do anything for my friends. 

I put aside my hurt of you blaming it all on me, and tried to be your friend again. I quote your words, I made things awkward between us. I ruined our friendship. 

We barely spoke. You stopped talking to me. After all I made something small into a big issue. 

You got close to her. You confided in her. And I just stayed, hoping you'd give me a chance to prove that I am not toxic, or making it into a big issue. You didn't understand my point.

What did I expect from a boy. 

And then you leave. You left. 

You left after giving me awesome memories of a friend. You left after making me wish, i wish I didn't confess I liked you. I wish I didn't stand up for her or me or what's right. 

Cause I wanted to be there for you like she is now. And you took it away from me.. 

You left without telling bye. Without letting me say bye. Without letting me wish the best for you, and I hope you remember the good positive times we spent together.

Now the insecure me, who is more insecure feels like you chose to keep her, and let me go cause she is easy and prettier, and much better than me. 

You left me, cause she is better. 

Why settle for something less, when you can get more. 

I don't blame you. 

This is my way of venting. My way of saying bye. My way of saying this is the last I'm going to remember you. (lies. I will always remember the lofi loving nerd who screams like a girl while playing Minecraft. And you will remember me as the crazy girl who made something small into a big issue) 

One day you will grow. And you will understand what I  was going to say. 

You didn't say sorry. But I forgive you. 

After all life is about moving in and forgiving. 

It was nice knowing you.